5 things about hyper-independent trauma survivors

5 things about hyper-independent trauma survivors

ayushi thakkar

Nov 02, 2026

∙

Paid

75

1

8

Share

sometimes i feel a kind of impatience with people who seem incapable of figuring things out for themselves. somebody asks a question they could have answered with a five-minute google search, and i can feel myself becoming disproportionately irritated. when a problem comes up and my immediate instinct is to research it until i understand how to solve it, preferably before anybody has noticed there was a problem in the first place. i’ve always considered this a fairly basic quality, although i’ve started wondering why i expect everyone else to approach life with the same urgency.

milk and cookies is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

the answer, i suspect, has something to do with the fact that independence can develop under very different circumstances. some people grow up with enough encouragement to become confident in their abilities. others become capable because relying on somebody else was unreliable or came with consequences they’d rather avoid. both kinds of people might appear equally self-sufficient as adults, but their relationship with needing help can be completely different.

i’ve been interested in the less obvious ways this shows up, especially among people who learned early that being competent was the safest arrangement available.

1. they can become excellent self-determined learners and impatient with people who aren’t

Continue reading this post for free, courtesy of ayushi thakkar.

Claim my free post

Or purchase a paid subscription.

Previous

Next