Control Yourself!

Control Yourself!

Thinking about: Your life

William B. Irvine

Oct 20, 2026

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How would you describe your lifestyle? Are you living a spontaneous life in which, to the extent possible, you do what you want when you want? Or are you living a deliberate life, in which your actions are guided by thoughtfully chosen principles? The issue of self-control comes into play only if you are living a deliberate life. If you lack principles, after all, your actions can never be contrary to them, meaning that you can’t have a lapse of self-control.

The people I refer to as

Thinkers, with a capital T,

are more likely than Feelers to be living a deliberate life. Feelers’ natural impulse is to do what feels good. This is the case not only when they are deciding what to believe but also when they are deciding what to do. In particular, they will be reluctant to make sacrifices today that can yield future rewards.

In contrast, Thinkers will devote thought and energy to devising a

philosophy of life

—to figuring out what, in life, is most worth having. They will be willing to take actions that, though they don’t feel good now, will pay off in the future. They will, in particular, take steps today that will increase their chances of not just thriving in the future but flourishing, of not just doing well but living fully. Thinkers will also devote thought and energy to devising effective strategies for achieving their goals.

Before moving on, I should point out that

Thinkers disagree

regarding what in life is most worth having. The ancient Stoics thought it was equanimity, a conclusion with which I am largely in agreement.*

On hearing this, Feelers might caricature Thinkers as people who overthink things, live in a constant state of self-denial, and as a result never have any fun. Thinkers will respond by pointing out that there are lots of ways to have fun. Some people’s idea of having fun is to get drunk at a party; other people’s idea of having fun is to take a walk, have a satisfying conversation, or read a book. Furthermore, even if we agreed that Feelers currently have more “fun” than Thinkers, they would likely have significantly less in the future, for the simple reason that they had failed to think about and prepare for that future; indeed, they would be likely to experience more anxiety and grief than Thinkers.

Because they tend to act without thinking things through, Feelers can be at cross purposes with themselves: What they do today, they undo tomorrow. As a result, their lives turn into a morass. Furthermore, because they don’t invest the time and thought necessary to develop a philosophy of life, they run the risk of misliving—of spending their days pursuing things of little value, when it was in their power to do otherwise. What a waste!

Living a deliberate life takes self-control. It is, however, a trait that people possess to varying degrees. Infants lack it. By the time they are preteens, they will have gained considerable self-control, only to have it undermined by the onset of puberty, with its accompanying influx of hormones. Adults can lack self-control as the result of mental illness, and even a sane adult can temporarily lose self-control as the result of becoming intoxicated.

Thinkers recognize the importance of not only

having

a philosophy for living but also

acting in accordance with

it. They also realize that doing this requires self-control. This raises the question of whether there are exercises—“willpower workouts”—we can do to increase our self-control. Scientists haven’t yet reached a consensus on this question. Fortunately for us, however, there are steps we can take to reduce our reliance on self-control in pursuing our goals:

We can

publicly announce

our intention to do something—such as to lose weight or start a retirement savings account. The resulting social pressure can make up for deficient self-control.

We can

avoid falling into an addiction

that would overwhelm our self-control. This will mean avoiding substances with known addictive potential. Indeed, we would not even try them once. That way, we won’t know what we are “missing,” which makes it that much easier to pass them up. It might also mean avoiding addicts, since they can be a bad influence.

We can

redesign our environment

so that our self-control is less likely to be tested. Along these lines, suppose that we are inordinately fond of ice cream. If we are trying to lose weight, we should avoid it, and for many people, the easiest way to do this is simply not to bring any home from the supermarket. Out of sight, out of mind—and out of belly, as well.

We can

reframe an option

to make it more palatable. Suppose we get a bonus at work. We can use it to go on a vacation, but we can instead use it to start the retirement fund we have been putting off for years. Under such circumstances, many will experience what economists call

present bias

, the tendency to choose an immediate reward over a reward that, though greater, is delayed. One way to overcome this tendency—which seems to have been

wired into us by our evolutionary past

—is to think of forgoing an immediate reward not as a sacrifice, but as a gift to our future self. In doing this, it is useful to reflect on all the gifts our past selves have given to us.

Just think: If you are reading these words, it is because your past selves invested the time and effort necessary to become literate. If time travel is ever possible, be sure to travel back to thank them.

*For more on the Stoics and their philosophy of life, see my

Guide to the Good Life

and my

Stoic Challenge

.

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for my past essays, listed by title.

Want to listen to rather than read an essay? Open it on your mobile device’s Substack app and click on the listen button.

Paid subscribers can also listen to my initial 22 posts on their favorite podcast app, such as Spotify. Open the app, search for “Thinking More and Better,” and add episodes to your playlist. These are the posts in which I explain what is involved in being a Thinker, with a capital T, instead of a Feeler. By listening to them in order, you can, in under two hours, gain a full understanding of the Thinker concept.

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