how to stop living the same year over and over

how to stop living the same year over and over

5 ways to recognise the patterns keeping you stuck before another year goes by

ayushi thakkar

Oct 22, 2026

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every october, i start thinking about how quickly the year has gone by, which inevitably leads to the slightly uncomfortable realisation that some of the things i wanted to change in january are still sitting exactly where i left them. the same problems have followed me through another nine months, a few important decisions are still waiting for the right moment, and certain habits have become so familiar that i’ve almost forgotten i wanted to change them in the first place.

it’s strange how much can happen in a year while certain parts of our lives remain almost identical. we make progress in one area, acquire new responsibilities and have experiences that should theoretically change us, yet somehow end up having the same frustrations we had twelve months ago. eventually, we become exceptionally good at explaining why. work has been demanding, the timing hasn’t been right or we’ve simply had other things to worry about. these explanations can be perfectly reasonable, which is precisely why they’re so easy to keep repeating.

i’ve been wondering how often we become so accustomed to our circumstances that we stop examining the assumptions keeping them in place. we can spend years believing we understand why our lives look the way they do without considering that our explanations might be incomplete.

recently, i tried something that made me think about this a little differently. i took

a life audit

and my overall score came back at

54 out of 100

i spent some time looking at that number, especially because my career and purpose had come out as my strongest area. the report also made an interesting connection between my motivation to improve and the pressure i sometimes put on myself. i’ve always considered wanting to keep moving forward a fairly positive quality, but it was worth thinking about whether that same instinct occasionally makes it harder to appreciate what i’ve already achieved.

it left me wondering what else i might be overlooking simply because i’ve grown accustomed to the way i explain my own life.

here are five exercises worth trying before another year begins:

1. make a list of everything you’ve become good at explaining away

it’s remarkably easy to get used to things that aren’t really working for you. after months of coming home exhausted from work, you start assuming that’s simply what adulthood feels like. when someone repeatedly lets you down, you find yourself understanding their circumstances so well that you barely have time to consider your own disappointment. eventually, even the parts of life you have some control over begin running on habit, and it can take a long time to realise you’ve been putting up with things you would never consciously choose today.

one exercise i find revealing is to write down the complaints that have appeared more than once this year. beside each one, add the explanation you’ve been giving yourself for why nothing has changed. then imagine somebody you care about describing the exact same situation and ask what you’d want them to consider.

it’s easier to notice when someone else is making excuses for a situation that doesn’t suit them. our own explanations tend to sound considerably more convincing because we know all the circumstances behind them.

2. ask yourself questions you’ve never wanted to answer

most of us have a reasonably coherent story about who we are and why we’ve made certain decisions. we’ve had years to develop it, after all. the difficulty is that we barely think to challenge the explanations we’ve already accepted.

this is what interested me about

the life audit

, which i recently tried. i was expecting an exercise in self-reflection, but some of the questions made me stop and consider things from a perspective i wouldn’t ordinarily have chosen.

one asks you to consider the statement:

“I would recommend a relationship like mine to someone I love.”

it’s a deceptively simple question. we might have spent years explaining why a certain situation makes sense given our circumstances, but considering whether we’d wish the same experience for somebody we love can make us look at it differently.

another question asks:

“I’ve had to slowly adjust the things I want in life to feel more ‘realistic’ for me.”

i find this one interesting because it’s difficult to know when we’re being sensible about our circumstances and when we’ve gradually talked ourselves out of wanting something. sometimes our priorities genuinely change as we grow older, but other times we lower our expectations so slowly that we barely notice how far they’ve moved from what we originally wanted.

there are questions about ambitions we’ve gradually adjusted to become more realistic, how we respond to mistakes and whether the person we present to others resembles how we actually feel.

the questions can become unexpectedly absorbing. something that seems straightforward at first can leave you wondering whether the answer you’ve been giving yourself for years is actually true.

afterward, you receive a scorecard covering five areas of life, along with a personalised report looking for patterns across your answers.

the part i found distinctly interesting was seeing connections between areas i’d generally considered separately. my report suggested that although i spend time recognising my habits and trying to understand myself better, that awareness can sometimes become another source of pressure. it also raised questions about how closely achievement and forward progress have become tied to my sense of satisfaction.

i recognised enough in those observations to spend some time considering them afterward. it’s interesting when something you’ve always thought of as a strength is presented from an angle that makes you examine its possible costs.

what i like about the experience is that it gives you questions you might never have thought to ask. the report is an interpretation of your answers rather than an objective verdict on your life, but it can still bring attention to patterns you’ve become too accustomed to notice.

and i’m curious:

which part of your life would you expect to score highest, and which result would you be most nervous to see?

if you’re curious about what your own answers might reveal, you can take the life audit

here

. i’d be interested to know whether any of the questions make you reconsider something you’ve always taken for granted.

3. look for the same problem showing up in different disguises

sometimes an entire year of frustration can be traced back to one problem that keeps appearing in slightly different circumstances.

you may have spent months complaining about never having enough time for yourself, but looking back reveals how frequently you agree to things you don’t really want to do. or maybe you’ve reached several goals this year and still feel behind because every achievement has been followed by another expectation.

i find it helpful to write down three recurring frustrations and look for anything they might have in common. once the same pattern becomes visible in several situations, it’s easier to examine the behaviour underneath it.

the trick is to make the observation specific.

i need to become more confident

is difficult to work with.

i keep asking other people to approve decisions i’ve already made

gives you something you can actually begin noticing.

sometimes identifying the problem accurately is the most important progress you make that week.

4. stop making plans for your imaginary future self

i have a wonderful habit of imagining that a future version of me will find everything considerably easier. she’ll have better discipline and a beautifully organised schedule. she’ll make difficult decisions without spending an entire afternoon researching them and will apparently enjoy doing all the things the present version of me keeps postponing.

unfortunately, she has been remarkably unreliable about showing up.

one thing i’m trying to do differently is look at a goal i’ve abandoned several times and redesign it around the person i actually am. if i’m struggling to finish a project, i can reduce the amount of work required to begin or if i’ve been postponing a conversation, i can stop expecting myself to feel completely comfortable before having it.

i think we’re often so interested in changing our circumstances that we forget to consider whether the plans we’ve made actually suit our lives.

an imperfect approach that we can repeat is considerably more valuable than an elaborate plan that only works for somebody we hope to become.

5. decide what you’re unwilling to repeat next year

towards the end of the year, i like looking back at what went well and what i’ve learned. lately, though, i’ve become more interested in asking a slightly less comfortable question:

what am i willing to stop carrying into another year?

think about the frustration that has followed you through several seasons. consider what you’ve been postponing because the alternative feels inconvenient, or which parts of life have remained unchanged simply because you’ve stopped expecting anything different.

then choose one thing you can actually influence before the month ends.

it could be arranging a conversation you’ve been avoiding or making room for something you keep insisting matters to you. or just it’s finding out what pursuing an opportunity would involve instead of automatically assuming it isn’t realistic.

the first step simply gives you evidence that the circumstances you’ve accepted aren’t quite as permanent as they seemed. and if you’re genuinely unsure where to begin, spend some time examining the assumptions behind your current choices. it’s difficult to change a pattern you haven’t recognised yet.

i think one of the more frustrating parts of feeling stuck is that life can continue looking perfectly normal while you’re living through it where responsibilities get handled and the familiar routines keep everything moving and there might be plenty to feel grateful for. after enough time, it’s easy to forget that an arrangement you’ve learned to live with isn’t necessarily one you would choose again.

that’s why i found the life audit worthwhile. i enjoyed being asked questions that made me reconsider familiar parts of my life, and the report gave me another perspective on patterns i hadn’t fully examined. even the observations i recognised became more interesting when i saw how they connected to other areas.

the life audit currently costs $6

, roughly the price of a fancy takeaway coffee, except this might actually make you think differently about your life. i’d recommend giving it a try if you’re curious about the assumptions you’ve been living with and what your own answers might reveal.

take your life audit

here

if you do try it, i’d genuinely love to know which question made you stop and think or whether anything in the report surprised you. i suspect most of us have at least one part of life we’ve become exceptionally good at explaining without ever properly questioning.

and with another year approaching, i’d quite like to have a few different stories to tell.

in paid partnership with the life audit. thank you, as always, for supporting the brands that help keep milk & cookies free and accessible. i do my best to bring you thoughtful resources and guides that add genuine value to your everyday lives, and your support makes it possible for me to keep doing what i love.

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