I sat by the office printer for a year. What I saw was wild
Dudes sure love to shoot their shot at the printer.
I sat by the office printer for a year. What I saw was wild
Dudes sure love to shoot their shot at the printer.
Sean Kernan
Sep 30, 2026
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“Welcome to Nexbridge!”
blazed in midnight blue across the screen in front of us.
Rebecca was onboarding us with supreme enthusiasm. The HR coordinator was pretty and animated, with a sparkle of optimism in her eyes. I could tell this was her first post-college job, as she’d drunken the corporate Kool-Aid. She went on and on about all the perks of working at this company, sounding like a salesperson pitching a dream.
Three dead-eyed new hires sat at the table with me, as we went through your mundane mish-mash of PowerPoint orientation slides. The meeting concluded with a tour of campus, which I’d briefly seen in my final interview.
I’d just stepped into a new finance role and quickly realized this company invested heavily in the employee experience. The office was beautiful and held events all the time. There were free meals and box seats at local sports arenas. You couldn’t ask for much more.
Rebecca led me down a hall and dropped me off at a nice cubicle. It had a giant ribbon across it reading, “Welcome, Sean!” I had to cut it like the town mayor just to enter the cube. A giant welcome bag was on the table, with candy and company swag in it. First impressions matter for new employees in a big way — and this company got it.
It was a welcome change from my prior job, which onboarded me by stuffing me into a corner hallway with a fold out table and my manager essentially saying, “Goodluck!”
After she left, I marveled at the high-end executive chair they’d bought me. I could see just over the grid of black cubicles. Other people peered over like meerkats, talking, or waving their hands in conversation.
“This place feels alive,” I thought, feeling good about my fate.
I sat down and looked up, seeing the warehouse style high ceiling that was painted black, with high end speakers mounted and playing carefully chosen electronic instrumentals, which I’m sure were proven to boost productivity.
Then, I pivoted in my chair and looked out my cubicle to see twin Xerox VersaLink printers on the opposing wall. They stood five feet tall and four feet wide, and sat with two green lights blinking, like sentinels quietly observing the office.
In the coming months and year, I would know the pain and distraction of sitting by these machines.
I want you to envision a wildlife photographer, sitting in the bush, waiting for the perfect shot. Sometimes, they wait for months just to catch a picture of an eagle snatching two fish at once out of the river — and go on to win awards.
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