Barack HUSSEIN Obama
Today we check in on the health and stability of the American political system, where all the chatter has been focused on a former president’s comments about a cheesecake restaurant. At a recent rally in Ohio, Barack Obama critiqued President Trump’s extravagant new East Wing ballroom — “he’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory” — prompting Trump to go on a long tangent calling his predecessor “a stupid person,” all while the American people collectively put a shotgun in their mouths / questioned the existence of a loving God. Many are now critiquing Obama’s comments, including the WSJ Editorial Board, who claimed it was “condescending” for this elitist, Martha’s Vineyard politician to disparage chain restaurants… but must we clutch our pearls over the Cheesecake Factory, folks? Here’s the bigger issue: if Saddam Hussein
actually
opened a restaurant, I fear it would instantly become the preferred dining establishment of several Democratic congressional candidates.
Instagram is
redeeming itself
still horrifying
Instagram is entering the long-form video game: a new feature called (wait for it…) “features” will allow creators to post videos up to 90 minutes long. Presumably Zuck wants to make the platform a competitor to YouTube, but as the AI race heats up, Meta probably sees long-form content as a valuable new source of data for training models. From a business perspective, this certainly makes sense, but my soul screams that we don’t need to spend
more
time on Instagram. The app attracts pornstars, 16-year-old Hitler admirers, and cancellation mobs, then places their filth next to photos from friends and family. I prefer to keep that degeneracy separate from my personal life the way God intended, aka X dot com. For those hopeful that Instagram’s new long-form videos will usher in an era of nuanced non-slop content, or possibly even “save Democracy” — I have a bridge to sell you (located in the Metaverse).
Moms Against the State
WIRED reports that a growing number of moms are refusing to obtain birth certificates or Social Security numbers for their babies. The “sovereign baby” movement, which protects offspring from the tentacles of the “United States corporation,” doesn’t align neatly with any political party, though it
does
overlap with trends like free-birthing, anti-circumcision, and the theory that because birth certificates went mainstream when FDR ended the gold standard, America is now using babies “as human capital to back US debt” (hmm). Slack interlocutors tell me this trend is “anti-social” and worry these rogue bambinos will have trouble going to the DMV later in life… but the libertarian in me is down,
in theory
. Isn’t it kind of cursed that you carry a baby for nine months, give birth, and immediately the US government gives it a number?? The anarchist moms have been right before (I’m not saying vaccines, YOU are). Let’s let them cook (prob something with a lotta oats).
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