The Ten Commandments of Dinner Parties

Hosting good dinner parties is among my favourite thing in the world. Sharing with people, bringing everyone together, hearing people laugh and make connections while I tend to the delicious food sizzling over hot coals. There’s no great feeling. Perhaps it’s my thing. Maybe one day it’s what I do all day. Dinner is definitely my love language.

In the meantime, I’ll stick to my informal dinner parties at home. I’ve done it enough where I’ve gotten the hang of it, so I wanted to share some tidbits of knowledge so that your dinner parties will be glorious.

Thou shall minimize your cooking
This is perhaps the most important one. The secret to a successful, delicious dinner with a sane host is prep. By the time that people show up, everything should be ready. All the cold/room temp dishes are done and in their serving dishes. All the warm dishes have their ingredients ready and the mis-en-place would make Gordon Ramsay beam with pride. The less you have to do while people are there, the better. This prep also extends to the party itself. Dishwasher is empty. Kitchen is clean. Plates are out. The sooner you start cooking the smoother things will go.

Thou shall have variety

What should I make for dinner?? This is an important question. Perhaps the most important. My advice is to make many things, instead of few. There’s a certain delight that comes from eating when you get new, unexpected surprises and the different foods just keep coming. I usually go for at least 5 different things, but it really depends on what you want.  Always have food that you can serve as people are coming in/while you’re making the other stuff. Appetizers are important, and a great place to both get creative or not think about it. I suggest you only make a couple of warm things. There’s so many delicious foods that are better cold or room temp. Make them ahead of time. During dinner you should really only have to cook one or two things, everything else should be ready.

Thou shalt never neglect the vibes

There’s way too much to keep track of during a dinner party. People are coming in, you have to take a shot with some friends, your phone’s buzzing, and the squash is burning in the oven. It’s easy to overlook the details about the dinner party, but, my friends, the details are what make it. Music, lighting, decorations and having a clean space make a world of difference. Spend some time before people arrive to ensure the location is presentable, smells nice, and is welcoming. You’re not just cooking for people, you are responsible for their experience for the whole night.

Thou shalt not use paper plates

This is a hill I will die on. Good food does not get eaten out of paper plates. It is lazy, unprofessional, and sends your guests the message that you’d rather have them eat out of a flimsy, ugly, mushy little plate from Costco rather than you spend 10 minutes washing dishes at the end of the night. Don’t have enough plates? Get more, ask your neighbor, I don’t care.

Thou shall be generous

The best case scenario is that by the end, people are stuffed, and there is no food left over. This never happens. The second best case scenario is people are stuffed, and there’s food left over. And the worst case scenario, by far, is that people are still hungry at the end and you run out of food. Make way more than you think. Offer people food. People can be shy about getting more food (unless their name is Octave Lepinard), so offer them and make them plates.

Remember thy role of host

Cooking is one of the things that you will be doing, but it is not the only thing. You are also the person who invited everyone, the person who introduces people when they don’t know each other, the person that helps when inevitably someone spills wine on their friends or breaks a glass. Make sure you greet everyone who arrives, thank them for any gifts, say goodbye and thank you to everyone. This is your space, and it’s your responsibility to make people feel welcome and at home.

Honour thy food and whence it came

Our world makes it easy to forget that the packaged, pre-cut, plastic-covered tuna steaks actually come from a huge, majestic fish that lives in the ocean and is part of a delicate, beautiful ecosystem. Don’t waste food, buy local and organic when possible, and give thanks to our planet for feeding us. Learn to love and appreciate nature and extend that love to the gifts it gives us by respecting your food.

Thou shall crowdfund

It is your responsibility to feed everyone, but not necessarily to pay for it all. Dinner parties are not the place to go cheap. Buying quality ingredients and being generous is expensive, so it’s totally fine to ask people to pitch in. Having hosted hundreds of people by now, not a single person has gotten mad/frustrated when I ask for a Venmo. At this point, I’m pretty ruthless.
That being said, it’s not cheap! Despite very respectful and generous guests who contribute, I rarely break even. But that’s OK! It’s all worth it in the end.

Thou shall gracefully accept help when offered.

Many people will offer to help in some way. Be tactical in the way you accept. Ask someone to be on grill duty. Another can connect to your speaker to be DJ. Asking people to cut bread, make plates, it’s all good. Just be wary of people’s comfort level in cooking! Oh and cleanup, always accept help cleaning up, but only from close friends. Newcomers don’t clean!

Pro tip: is there someone very quiet at your dinner, who perhaps doesn’t know a lot of people? Ask for their help in distributing food. No better way to start a conversation than being the one with the big bowl of delicious pretzels who comes around offering them to people. Also great if you feel like setting two people up. Pick them out of the crowd and ask them to work together to offer people food. You’re welcome.

Thou shall not forget that dinner is not for you

Dinner is for your guests, not for you. It is normal to be stressed, smelly, and to even not have that much fun while hosting. That’s alright, because the whole point of this is for guests to have an incredible night. When they do, and you get all the hugs and thank you messages and pictures, you’ll forget all about the chaos and the mess and you’ll remember that there is no feeling more special than brining friends together over food and wine.

Here’s to many more dinner parties. If you’re ever in town and want to have/make/host/attend dinner, please let me know. The more the merrier!

Now some random pics from the last few months: