Off the conveyor belt

For most of my life, my future has been relatively well defined. In primary school, you know where you’re going to be next month, next semester, next year. There are some minor decisions to be made, but all you have to do is ride the conveyor belt like a good sheep. 

In high school, the decisions grow in size. Now I was choosing what universities to apply to, which extracurriculars to invest my time in, what girl to embarrass myself in front of. An important part of growing up is realizing how short the conveyor belt ride really is. 

During these past few months, I’ve gone through the most acute bout of uncertainty I've had so far.

Alexis and I came back from a particularly muddy Burning Man, and after a 10 hour exodus (featuring an exploding RV in the middle of the night about 100ft from our car) plus an 8 hour drive I was sitting in front of my laptop just in time for my first workday after 2 weeks off. 

Layoffs are never fun, but layoffs after an 18 hour overnight drive, with my brain chemistry all messed up from days of an upside-down sleep schedule, are extra not fun.

Layoffs when you’re on a visa - super extra not fun. The US government gives you a very short grace period to find another employer before they revoke your right to stay and work in the US. I had only a few weeks to look for, find, apply to, interview for, be selected for, AND start a new job before everything I'd worked towards over the previous 7 years would be taken from me and I'd have to leave the country.  

I ended the Zoom call with the CEO and laid down on my bed, still covered in dust, and stared at the plain white ceiling. What the fuck am I going to do?

Over the past few years, I’d built a life in San Francisco. Friendships are in full bloom, I was past the honeymoon phase of a new city and firmly entered the part where the compound interest of invested time in friendships, connections, and self-development was beginning to pay off more than I ever could have imagined. I did not want to leave. 

And thus begun the rat race. The race against the clock, where I was going to have to navigate a space I’d never really been in before (unemployment) under a daunting, existential countdown. Failure didn’t represent a temporary setback, but a total uprooting of my life.  

I’m no stranger to life-altering events. I know that deep down, and given enough time, things work out. Even if I moved and had to restart my life somewhere new, I’d be fine. Hell, getting laid off might even become the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 

This time was different, for two main reasons that were, ironically, in conflict with each other. First is that it was entirely out of my hands. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to leave. But the powers that be, all-powerful Uncle Sam, had my fate decided. 

On the other hand, I could actually do something about my situation. I didn’t have to leave my friends and home... if I played my cards right. I just had to do two simple things:

1. Get a job that lets me stay in SF

2. Don’t go crazy.

The order is intentional. I was willing to go a little crazy in the short term if it meant staying in SF long term. 

The job search was rough. Hours and hours of applying to jobs, looking at career pages, smooching up to people on LinkedIn, with close to no responses at all. With 100+ applications to all the big SF companies you’ve heard of (and a lot you haven’t), I got ONE interview. I did not pass.

A friend who’d gone through a nearly identical situation warned me that I was going to go through the 16 phases of unemployment grief - a process that seemingly takes you nowhere. If Sisyphus were a tech bro, LinkedIn connections are his boulder. 

Not going crazy was surprisingly easy. The constant frustration of not having leads and the perpetual corporate ghosting was funneled into sleep and exercise. Running AND yoga AND surfing in one day? Why not, what else am I going to do?

Luckily for me, I had friends in similar situations who matched my energy; looking for jobs, willing to hang out, exercise, take extended breaks and maybe even get drunk on a Tuesday. Why not? What else are we going to do? 

I rekindled a romantic adventure, which grounded me more than I realized at the time. Her fresh-in-town energy was contagious, and adding more items to the list of things I'd give up if I left SF motivated me even further. 

My roommates and I would laugh because I'd leave the house on a Tuesday with just my book and Airpods and come back on Friday night, wearing the same clothes. 

Given enough time, as always, it all works out. Thanks to months of intense hustle and persistence, and the pure luck of having met the right people at the right time, I found a brilliant job. It’s both local AND remote friendly, the people and problem space excite me quite a bit, and the greater mission/vision is amazing. I started in December. 

I'm also pleased to report that I have avoided going crazy, and in fact I'm feeling quite the opposite of crazy. The aforementioned adventure progressed into something serious, I'm enjoying my hobbies more than ever, and SF feels like it hums under my feet more than ever. This adventure both restarted a new honeymoon phase with the city, an gave me the time I was looking for to invest in the people here. 

To everyone who helped me with job searching, thank you. To those who decided to trust me and give me an opportunity in Amplio, Thank you. 

And most importantly, to those who helped me not go crazy and continue to prove why SF is the place for 2024 Mateo, thank you.